Dreams And Dream Fragments

I had a beautiful apartment. It was affordable, In great shape, I had gorgeous views not unlike the pic above, great location, Everything that real estate ads gush and rave about. It was tastefully furnished. I was admired and enjoying it.

What did I do? I moved in with the ex. The apartment he lived in rapidly fell apart to show what a hovel it really was, He claimed that he quit smoking, and that I was the only one. So, I find a pack of half smoked cigarettes with lipstick on some of them. Dangerous people were were coming and going bothering me and there was no security at all.

By the end of this dream I was thinking “I should move back into the old apartment and dump this clown”. then I woke up.

This took place in the same city that crops up in my dreams, Impossibly huge and sprawling and difficult to get around in.

What I am getting from this dream is this:

I am pretty close to full mastery of my life.

I would be taking a huge step down in giving up my freedom to live in a so called “Relationship” with some lazy lying ass clown who doesn’t care about me beyond enslaving me for a resource.

Living in a slum hovel instead of a decent apartment, In a decent neighborhood. Buying what I want, When I want it.

Putting up with a lying slutty skank who could be bringing home all kinds of head aches to wear me down, make me sick, hurt me or age me, depleting my own resources, All the while laughing at me behind my back. When I could be living on my own terms, Doing it better, And being admired for what I am: A witty, fabulous, beautiful, goddess of a woman who knows her worth.

I’m probably not going to find a male who isn’t a total ass clown.

I read this, This morning:

You have a unique opportunity to fix or eliminate from your life anything that isn’t functioning well, from clutter and disorder in your home to your broken television to an unhealthy relationship that no longer makes you happy. Even long-held attitudes and beliefs, especially self-defeating ones, are called into question under the current energy. You have lots of transformative energy just waiting to be used effectively; the focus is on positive progress. Your normal levels of perception are heightened now and you’re able to turn an eagle eye on yourself, your life and your relationships. Take advantage of this time — get rid of anything that’s blocking you, your creativity or your growth. Life is supposed to be about moving forward, learning and incorporating what works, as well as eliminating what doesn’t. Cleaning your house is a good place to start, since it acts as a physical manifestation of what will ultimately be a psychic cleansing. It also has the added benefit of turning up old, lost items! This is a general theme now; all kinds of lost and forgotten things, feelings and so on will reveal themselves to you.

And I will…

At this time you may experience feelings of ambivalence or something even more directly disagreeable regarding a close relationship. An old friend or lover who always used to prove disturbing to your peace of mind may contact you out of the blue, once again upsetting your inner balance. Alternatively, you may feel uncertain about where a particular current relationship is headed — and if, in fact, you want it to go there. You might end up aggravating a friend or loved one, henpecking them in some misguided desire to change things. You must realize that, at this point, it is unlikely that your words or actions will create the desired effect, much less any semblance of happiness. Quite to the contrary, under the current energy, criticizing a loved one will most likely result in hurt feelings and mistrust. Try to keep your criticisms to yourself; maintain your good nature if at all possible. Let these differences pass, even if they are quite apparent to you. If you can’t keep your opinions to yourself at this time, your relationships are likely to suffer more even than the people with whom you share the relationships.

Your ego and your personal interests are coming in the way of smooth relations with others at this time. You feel confident, upbeat, aggressive and ambitious, but others are more likely to see you as being pushy, inconsiderate and self-interested. There is nothing wrong than following your own pursuits; in itself can be quite noble and worthy. What is not right, however, is to treat the people in your daily life — friends, family, coworkers — as if they are impeding your progress if they ask for a bit of your time, attention or aid with one of their own projects. Remember that their interests are likely to be nearly as important to them as yours are to you! Do not try to use your newly heightened levels of self-assertiveness to force others to join your forces; in fact, you might be better off working on your own until the current energy passes. If you don’t, you could end up alienating those around you — including those who could be a great aid to you later on down the line. If you can restrain yourself from behaving in a self-serving manner and focus your energies now, you can get a lot of good work done.

I have gotten these messages all of my life, And they’ve done me absolutely no good. 

The old ways are past…

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