Envy

I got a real good look at my own envy by having another envy me. It wasn’t pretty and it fills me with shame to think that I was no different than this person. I had a mirror held up to me. I decided to do something about it. I took a long cleansing bath, and I meditated upon the people that had hurt me. I said to each of them; “I bless you, I forgive you, And I release you.” I even said it to any one who was missed. I cleared the slates as best I could. To the ones I had harmed I asked for forgiveness. I slept the best I have in ages, I actually can look at The ones that I envied and feel nothing. I have so many blessings I have no right to feel envy.

Envy was like being drunk. It robed me of self control, It gave me a sick thrill, It robbed me of my self respect. Another way envy is like being drunk, When I see others indulging in it they look like shit. I was forced to ask myself; “Is that what I look like?! Do I act like that?! Do I look that pathetic?!” When I see others drunk and I am sober that is my reaction. I don’t drink any more either.

It’s a vicious cycle, I hated the one I envied, I hated myself, I hated the one I envied, Etc. I had to decide that I was worth more than my envy of someone who wasn’t worth it.

I am going cold turkey…

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