All This For $685.00?!? Suuuuuuckerrrrrrrr

I has 3600 square feet, 1200 square feet on each of three floors. I could fit almost six of your apartments in to my home.

Units May Feature


  • Air conditioning…I has it
  • Cable/Satellite Ready…I has it
  • Carpeting I has it, & Wood floors too
  • Ceiling Fan… I has five of them
  • Fireplace… I has it upstairs
  • Handicap Access Units Available…I has it downstairs
  • High Speed Internet Available…I has it
  • Walk-In Closets… I has them

Also, I has two bathrooms. The downstairs is shower, the upstairs is tub for Japanese style soak. Also I has towel warmer.

I has 12 windows and three doors, You has one window, One patio door, And one door.


  • Dishwasher…I has it
  • Garbage Disposal…I has two of them
  • Microwave…I has two of them
  • Refrigerator…I has two of them & A deep Freeze


  • Yard… I seen your so called yard and raise you a courtyard with enclosed entryway.

Property Features


  • Controlled Access…*Snerk* I has more control over access than you


  • Community Room… I has access to several larger venues
  • Laundry Room…Mine is in basement, I share it with no one.
  • Wood burning fireplaces…I has alcohol, Is more environmentally friendly
  • European style cabinetry… I has 17 ‘ of cabinet, and counter space in upstairs kitchen alone. Real wood! Two built in cutting boards


  • Fitness Center…Is down the street, and is bigger
  • Playground… I don’t has kids
  • Pool…I has river


  • Detached Garage… Working deal for car port, Looking good

Pet policy

Cats OK… I has dog, I has snake, I has whatever the fuck I want. Is all OK
Call for service animal policy…Whatever


We currently offer 12 month lease terms. Call for more information if we offer short term leases… I has month to month at will. I am not tied down

Office hours:

Monday-Friday: 9:00am to 7:00pm; Saturday: 10:00am to 5:00pm; Sunday: 12:00pm to 4:00pm… I get on phone to land lord, get fixed same day 95% of time
I pay $690.00, Just one measly fifth of what I earn

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